Every morning without fail Adam will come in and tell me the time and say that it’s time to wake up.
Every morning Carrigan acts as if she’s seeing me for the first time EVER.
It’s so sweet.
If Carrigan weren’t “here” Adam wouldn’t even need to wake me up! But, I’m a neurotic mess and cannot get through the day without showering so I like to do it before he leaves for work. I actually woke up this morning from a dream where I almost didn’t shower before getting on a plane from OUTER SPACE to EARTH. You think my daily thoughts are crazy?
Please join me in this dream from last night:
Classroom full of my old HS classmates
Most of them are sleeping
*Zip* * Pow* we’re being shot at by aliens
That’ll wake those lazy suckers up!
Oh no!, I have to help that person
Nevermind
RUN
Suddenly I’m driving around with Monique in a red VW beetle in outer space and she’s just given birth
The baby falls into the water (Where did the water come from?!)
SAVE THE BABY
Phew, baby saved!
Now I’m at Veronica’s house and her red-headed friend just gave birth to my baby
MY BABY?
Adam tells me that a while ago he froze his sperm onto a CD (Yes, a CD) and she accidentally played it
INSTANT SPERMIFICATION
Okay, then but it’s not MY BABY (And, how stupid do you think I am?! A CD?!)
Iomay!!, Take the baby, she’s yours
She’s not!!
I’m going to go shower
(wait for it, wait for iiiiit)
I’m gonna be late for my flight back to Earth
Fin!
About a year before Carrigan was in my belly (Get IN MA BELLY!! Anyone? Anyone??) Adam awoke with tremendous pain. He could hardly get to the bathroom to urinate. He wanted me to take him to the emergency room. Just to drive home how deep this neurosis goes… I told him I’d have to shower first. But I’d be quick…(anyone who knows me is thinking quick shower?! yeah, that’s right up there with “I just want a little sip”)
Luckily for Adam, we were staying at this parent’s house that weekend and they insisted on taking him right away. WHAT?! A little [Kidney Stone] pain never hurt anyone. But a little germ infested body hurts many. Yes, when I wake up I imagine that every disease known to man is laying on my skin waiting to be provoked in order to unleash its poisonous feury.
So for all you naysayers who thought this would change with having a child… I say.. think again! If for some reason Adam left me.. I’d wake up at 4am while CG was sleeping and I’d shower then. I don’t care. I’d wake up at 2am. But I’m not joining the world of the stinkies, just yet.
Wish it So 