I came on here because I wanted to write. What ended up happening was that I started to read my old blogs and cry. I was going through a rough time at the end of 2011 and early into 2012. I was missing my parents more than I ever have and I was stressing month-to-month about not being pregnant.
I knew I wanted my life to be different but I didn’t know in what way.
Now I find myself struggling for different reasons. I’ve got that baby I so desperately wanted and I’ve got a toddler I love so much. I still miss my parents, perhaps an unreasonable amount, given that I feel like I should be used to it by now. But the hardest thing is struggling with a decision I made in 2012 to go back to work full-time.
I think the only thing to do is to go right out and say it – I’m not happy. I want to be with my girls 24/7 and watch them change just like I watched C change for so long! At this point, I don’t really have another choice. I want to help provide for them and since I don’t have any hidden talents that would allow me to do that from home – I’m stuck.
It makes every sucky day at work even suckier when you know you could be somewhere else with some of the people who matter most to you. I’m working on feeling happier about the time I spend there but lately it’s been feeling more like a struggle than it has previously.
I’m working on a happier post. A post for another day. It will be about winning Carrigan back after a year of changes 🙂