I published this on FB Notes first but it’s the reason I started this blog. Here you have it in all of it’s glory…
So, I took Carrigan out for a walk (just got back) and she was fast asleep within a couple of minutes. I mean, I could turn around take two steps backwards and probably see my house. I decided to keep on truckin’ though because I enjoy looking at my neighbors yards and into their houses when it’s visible. I’m a total creeper everyone knows that.
During my walk though I started thinking about all the things I’m doing/trying to do. Started thinking.. What if I fail at sewing? What if I fail at being eco friendlier (no, not eco friendly.. )? What if I never become a good cook? What is Carrigan going to think of her mom?
You did your best for HER, You tried for HER and honestly girl, I’m sure you could be worse.
Carrigan, honey, I’m going to do my best for you. I’m going to be the best person I can be for you, for me, for your dad, for your aunts and uncles, for your grandparents for anyone who cares to know me. I want to be a mom you can be proud of. Most likely you won’t be able to say “My mom is a master seamstress”, “She’s the best recycler in the state of Massachusetts” and “She’s a world reknown chef”.
I just want you to come away from your experience of being my child with the knowledge “If life hands you lemons.. you google how many different ways can i use these lemons?”
Motherhood changes people. It’s changed me. I’m a total sap and I cry at the drop of a hat.. but I couldn’t be happier to be a total sap. There are things that I certainly wish my life had in it.. people really. But, life handed me two lemons and I’m figuring out how many ways I can use them.